Fears

It’s becoming clearer as life goes on that…I am afraid. Of a lot of things, really, but mainly of losing control. Of myself. Of my life. The fear rolls around in my heart and tenses my muscles until I remember to breathe.

Fear is an odd thing, isn’t it? We spend so much of our life fighting it, and that is apparent in the very lives we live. Surface lives, smiles and joy to cover the truth that usually stirs beneath the overly joyous, ‘I’m fine’.

The next time someone asks me how I am, I might answer, ‘Well, I’m afraid, actually. Of losing control of my life. And just the other day I wondered if my family would ever abandon me to the point of homelessness. You know, if I ever really lost control.’

Can you imagine their faces? They’d be horrified.

And then they’d go home and wonder the very same thing about themselves.